Pre-conception care: getting ready

A heart pondering and preparing for conception

Preface

I want to communicate that I approach this topic with deep sensitivity. The subject of fertility and infertility is so intensely personal, wherever you are on your journey my prayer for you is that you feel such a wholeness in who you are outside of conception or loss. I truly believe that we need mother figures in all different places and as I was already a mother before I had my son, it has always been in my very bones and soul. Our journey to having Solomon felt eternal with some silent struggles along the way but in truth, I arrived at such a deep place of peace probably just weeks before conceiving him. I listened to a podcast by Esther Perel the other day giving counsel to a couple struggling with conception and she said this beautiful phrase ‘If it is a child you want, then a child you shall have’. Of course, this sentence alone may evoke a whole realm of question and emotion but what it does provide, is a clear and hopeful tone for the heart that so longs to nurture and nourish. What follows is mostly a sharing of the heart as it ponders and prepares for conception. Amidst this heart sharing there is knowledge and opinion peppered throughout.

My husband and I find ourselves on the edge of another possibility. We talk about it every other day, I think about it daily and sometimes hourly. We eagerly anticipate the expansion of our family. The green and gold of summer is stretching ahead of us, a ribbon winding path etched with lace and sunbeams. The first summer in many years with very few plans and our boy growing so fast, this summer is one that we wish to relish and soak in. It feels the perfect marrying together of season and time to prepare a heart, body, mind, and spirit for conception.

Within my training as a midwife, it was touched upon, indeed without any detail, that one part of a midwife’s role is to support and provide pre-conception care. This is mentioned once in the NMC’s (Nursing and Midwifery Council) Standards of Proficiency for Midwives (NMC, 2019). Yet, a woman almost always does not meet with a midwife until she is well into the first trimester. This area of midwifery has long captured my attention. I search and muse greatly on the concept of surrender when a couple decides they are ready to ‘start their family’. Indeed, can a maiden prepare herself for conception even before meeting her spouse? I believe so. But it seems that the landscape and exploration for this subject are lacking.

There seems to be a tremendous abyss within education on how not to get pregnant and how to conceive. Thankfully, one benefit of social media and apps is their ability to raise awareness of how important it is to remain in tune and connected to one’s cycle. At least in my algorithm, there are a thousand windows into the lives of women who are connected to their cycle and utilise every ounce of this feminine mystery. How to harness your cycle, even if you do not want to conceive, can strengthen the life of women. But if I’m honest this lack of education in the mainstream makes me sad, there is too big a disparity between both ends of the spectrum. So often it takes the first time we have sex, taking the morning-after pill, or getting married to discover how disconnected we are from our cycle, hormones, and fertility. We need to be connected to our bodies first and foremost. It is, in fact, quite difficult to get pregnant, especially if you are not in touch with your cycle and hormone health.

Whilst our son was so very longed for and prepared for over many years, his conception was not, from our perspective ‘planned’. I can see that within the realm of God’s plan, of course, the timing was impeccable. Outwardly, to conceive a baby exactly halfway through a midwifery course did not seem to make sense, but inwardly it made complete sense. The ripples and layers of lessons learned and the richness of that time is something I am still reflecting upon, perhaps something I will write about one day. It was a time of deep empowerment of learning to remove limitations placed on myself. This is the paradox, pregnancy is such a sacred and protected era but also, we are multi-faceted, women can move mountains whilst growing and sustaining life.

All of this, I ponder deeply and hold lightly in my hands, like water. Having witnessed realms of couples who each have their own experience of fertility I am so aware of the fragility of fertility. It is not taken for granted that my body can carry and bear a child, it is commonplace and it is miraculous. And now, we are here, the edges of spring and summer merging and the rising bodily longing to conceive as well as the expansion of the heart is palpable.

This will be part of a ‘Pre-Conception Care Series’ so follow if you’d like to read more in my next post